[00:00:40] Vesna: Welcome to the Peak Revival Podcast. My name is Vesna. Today I'm gonna talk about the strong woman pattern things that I see all the time in my clients, and I will be the first one to put my hand up at.
[00:00:51] When I was putting this together, I was really using things that I had seen through my own process and own awareness. Um, into this podcast. So if you identify as a strong woman, and if people have said to you, you're a really strong woman, right? I really want you to listen to this podcast.
[00:01:10] So being a strong woman, there's nothing wrong with that, but there can be a pattern that leads you to feeling very overstretched and exhausted. And so something that you may be very proud of is actually the very thing that's draining you when we don't have a lot of awareness around our patterns.
[00:01:29] So I'm gonna talk about the telltale signs of a strong woman. And I first wanna say is like, I'm not pointing the finger. This is definitely something that, like I said, as I was putting this podcast together, I was really bringing up some of my examples that I had seen in myself over the years. 'cause I've definitely identified as a strong woman.
[00:01:46] Often people say to me, she's a really strong woman, you know, and so we can identify with that, and it carries a whole bunch of baggage with it. Yes, it carries a lot of strength, but it does carry on the flip side some baggage, and I [00:02:00] want you to be really aware of it because that can actually hold you back from the next level, and that can really be draining you, and it doesn't need to. You can have that strength without having the baggage with it.
[00:02:11] So the first one is the compartmentalizing emotions, right? So something comes up, something goes wrong, and you're like, I don't have time for this today. I'm gonna park that for later. So almost compartmentalizing your emotions. So yes, there's stress here, we can't look at that today. We'll deal with that another time. And so you're pushing your emotions to the curb and all for the sake of productivity to get more done right. And that can look good in the moment,
[00:02:36] but we end up making that a pattern That becomes a strategy, you know, you can catch yourself. I've caught myself thinking before, I can't. Okay, not today.
[00:02:44] I can't do this today and literally use the words, how can I compartmentalize this? Right? It's crazy. So we can start to use it as a strategy and therefore never really process our emotions. And the thing with emotions is that the longer they sit there, the more they bubble under the surface creating, a lot more other emotions and being quite draining and disruptive.
[00:03:06] So if you've ever found yourself, Dealing with lots of, like things are happening around you and you're like, I can't deal with that today. but if you are finding yourself saying that a lot, then there's something to be aware of there. Right. And as I'm going through these, I just want you to be aware, because unless you're aware, you can't address it.
[00:03:23] And it was through my process, and I'm gonna share some stories that the awareness was enough for me to change this pattern.
[00:03:31] The next one is the, ” I'll just do it myself” reflex. So you end up taking on a lot more because it's like, it's just easier. It's quicker for you to do it. You don't escalate issues, you don't push back. You don't ask for support and you don't ask for help. When was the last time you asked for help? This is a really big red flag.
[00:03:50] I see this in my clients. They don't ask for help. Even when they enroll help of mentors or other people, they end up leading that as well. Okay? So if you've [00:04:00] signed up with a coach or a mentor or something like that, you'll find yourself in that position where you are even leading that interaction because that's what you're accustomed to doing, right?
[00:04:08] So that asking for support, asking for help, and what ends up happening is that you quietly take responsibility again for everything. Okay? It's a lot of burden and a lot of pressure.
[00:04:20] The third one is not leveraging support even when it exists. So maybe you're not leveraging your team as much as you should. You're still doing too much work that you know you shouldn't be doing, right? Maybe you've invested in help, like I talked before, but you are the one leading the changes, right?
[00:04:33] You're the one leading, maybe even the structure, not so much the change. 'cause obviously you need to lead the change, but the structure of it, right? You're still doing most of the work. You're across. Everything, and you are too involved in everything, right? So there's almost this feeling that if I'm not in it, then that's being irresponsible, okay?
[00:04:50] But then you are too heavily invested in so many different things. Number four, the belief that it won't happen or it won't work without you. This was a big one that I had, right? And just to quickly share this story that I have a program. Bye-bye Burnout, if you haven't heard of it already. I dunno how, but I have a program called Byebye Burnout, and when I.
[00:05:08] Created that program many years ago, like a coach had said to me, because I end up having the same conversations with clients, right? So she said, if you just record all those key pieces, right, what you talk about, hormones, gut stress, mindset, et cetera, if you record those and put it into the program and sell it as a program.
[00:05:25] And I was like, that is never going to work, right? I have to be like, I have to work with them one-on-one. It's not gonna work without me. Obviously, I didn't realize that at the time that that was actually my biggest block. I thought I was important part of the process, but I did take her advice. I did put it together in a program with lots of hesitation thinking this is never going to work.
[00:05:48] Right. And sure enough, I mean, I sold a few places in that program, women got great results, but I was like, nah, I don't wanna do that. Like it has to be one-on-one. Right. And then years later, I [00:06:00] actually left it parked on the side, and a couple of years later I picked it up and I thought, oh, I'm gonna try this again.
[00:06:04] And I mean the rest is just history, right? Because the results were so much more than what you would get from a one-on-one work. And the reason being is that the power of a community, the power of momentum, the power of co, that education pieces as you're going through, right, was everything. Now, if I.
[00:06:24] Was still not seeing my patterns that, Hey, I'm, I think that it's all about me, right? I need to be involved in all of this, when actually that was the barrier. And if I didn't have that awareness, I wouldn't be at the next level where I am today, right? That would've really held me back, kept me exhausted, and I probably would've just quit.
[00:06:41] So the awareness is really important. So for me, I didn't think things would work without me. I mean, obviously it was my work infused in this program, but. It can work without you. You do have to oversee it and things like that, but it can work without you. So where are you maybe holding onto that belief that, you know, you can't fully step back, you've gotta take responsibility for everything.
[00:07:02] Your, your, presence is your responsibility, where is that showing up in your business and your personal life and your family life, wherever.
[00:07:10] The fifth one is minimizing your symptoms. This is really a big one that I see in high performing women, right? They're like, I'm okay. It's not that bad. I'm not that tired. I'm not that exhausted. I can just push through. Once I get through this phase, then it'll be okay. Then I can address all that stuff.
[00:07:23] But I've gotta just keep going, just keep going. Well, I can keep going. So it's minimizing your symptoms, your emotions, where you're at, right, minimizing you, right? And what you need, your needs that you need right now. and that's a really big red flag. So if you found yourself putting things off for yourself.
[00:07:38] And not paying attention to how you're feeling or how you're showing up, or what's happening in your body or in your life. Then you're minimizing yourself.
[00:07:48] then there's others which are not maybe as common, but definitely what I see, right, is that you're carrying the emotional load, is that you don't talk about things much. You process things internally. You [00:08:00] carry your emotions to yourself because you don't wanna burden anyone, right? You just gotta get on with it, right?
[00:08:03] You're the strong one. You get on with it. and that becomes a barrier, right? Because it means that you never have someone, you never allow yourself, someone to lean on. You never allow yourself to be vulnerable. You never allow yourself to have. A moment of, can't handle this right now. So it's not even a moment of weakness, but a moment of humanity.
[00:08:21] Right. because you're the strong one. Because you identify with the strong one. Okay? And so that carrying that emotional load is extremely draining.
[00:08:30] The other patterns I see is struggling to relinquish control. So. Letting go, letting things go, letting things happen. So it's not that you are controlling, it's that it just feels safer when you are trying to control things. It gives you that kind of level of certainty and that certainty feels like it's, uh, regulating right?
[00:08:47] It's keeping you safe when actually it's just adding a whole lot more stress. And the other one that I see is you pride yourself on being able to push through. Right? It's almost like you see that. Endurance as a strength and that never stopping and never quitting. But at what cost? Right? At what cost is that important for you?
[00:09:08] Right? So, so those are the traits that I see in my high performing clients. I've brought you stories about myself. I've definitely, as I was, like I said, I was putting this together. I was like. This is a good one because I know this is gonna resonate with a lot of women. 'cause it really resonated with me.
[00:09:23] Right? There was really key things that I found through my journey in this awareness over the years, and I'm still finding it now. I'm still finding that maybe I'm not using my team in the best way. So I've still got all my fingers in the pies and therefore I'm just carrying way too much workload. Right.
[00:09:40] Working with a coach or a mentor or. You know, business coach, I find myself in those situations where I'm still having to self lead. Okay. And provide the structure. So these are new awarenesses that I've had, which is like, hmm. That's the same as the stuff that I had before. Right. And it's just, I think it's really good because even [00:10:00] though you're probably a self-directed person, you're already in a leadership capacity.
[00:10:05] But sometimes it's just really nice to not have to lead everything. Right to take that off your shoulders and to be guided by somebody else and to be able to let go of control and relinquish control to allow that to happen. So if you recognize these, you know, patterns in yourself, one of the first things I wanna be really clear about is that it's not a flaw, okay?
[00:10:29] It's definitely not a flaw. It's not something that you're doing wrong. It's something that you've adapted to, that once served you. Like life required you to step up in moments, and you stepped up and you became stronger and stronger, and now you identify with that. But it's the identification with that, that becomes the baggage and becomes the barrier.
[00:10:48] So really strength is not about carrying everything, pushing through at all costs or compartmentalizing your emotions. Real strength is about awareness and I think vulnerability as well, right? I think just being able to be really authentic and not have to be always a strong one because you're not, right.
[00:11:06] You're just hiding it. I mean, that's what I see myself. You're just hiding it. You're getting on with it. You're not acknowledging it, you're not aware of it. until your hand is forced, right, until a crisis happens or an illness happens, or your relationship breaks down, or something happens in your business and something of a crisis where you step back and go, yeah, I've been doing this.
[00:11:29] I haven't been doing this the right way.
[00:11:31] all I want you to do from this podcast is I don't want you to change anything. I don't want you to fix anything. I don't want you to optimize anything. I just want you to start noticing how that shows up in your life and to be really aware of your patterns. do you self-identify as a strong woman?
[00:11:44] Do people say to you, you're a strong woman? Do women say to you or other people say to you, God, you really have a lot on your plate. You really handle a lot. You know, these are the kind of telltale signs that I hear from my clients, so just notice it is the first stage to making those changes. [00:12:00] I'd love to hear your comments below.
[00:12:02] If you see the ability to leave comments on YouTube, then leave your comment like, which of those telltale signs do you really identify with? Let me know.
