I often jokingly refer to myself as a recovering ‘nice girl', but this month it wasn't a joke.

I faced the stark reality that there's more work I need to do here, especially in my work and business.

I'm no push-over, don't get me wrong, but I can avoid taking action so as to not rock the boat.

This ends up blowing up in my face.

In business, you will make decisions that aren't popular for some but are important for the business, which means you won't be liked.

The ‘nice girl' syndrome goes beyond just being kind or pleasant; it's part of our childhood programming that often holds us back from getting what we want in life.

Years ago I interviewed Dr Lois Frankel who wrote a series of books about women not getting the success, wealth, or what they want because of this priority to be liked.

“We were socialised to be ‘nice girls' from a young age, taught to be agreeable, polite, and compliant, and to prioritise caregiving and making sure everyone is okay – we do it at work and we do it at home”.  

Because of this socialisation, we hold ourselves back!

The answer isn't to be mean, being ‘nice' is helpful to get anywhere in life, but it's not sufficient.

I began to ask myself “what beliefs are holding me back”, but I quickly realised this was not going to be helpful or empowering.

The first step was acknowledging that I am the architect of my life. I can't control every challenge that comes my way, but I can choose my response and make better decisions.

Secondly, getting clear on what I want to create, rather than avoid, and hold space for that. It means not second-guessing myself or worrying about what others will say. After all, it's my life, my rules.

Thirdly, speaking up, making decisions that are right for you, asking for what you want, saying no, prioritising your needs even when they conflict with others, and taking care of yourself – this is an empowered woman!