Vesna: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Peak Revival Podcast. My name is Vesna. Today we're gonna talk about negative self-talk and how it is a barrier to achieving what you wanna achieve. I'm joined by my co-host, Melissa. Mel, thank you for being here.
Melissa: Hello? Hello everyone.
Vesna: So we've got a good topic today because we see this a lot. We hear this a lot, and I think that for some people, they may not realize.
How much this negative self-talk is a saboteur and is the very thing that's holding you back every single time and in multiple different areas of your life.
So Melissa, I know that when you're on the calls, the coaching calls for Bye-bye burnout, that you would hear a lot of this negative self talk or
That quiet voice that just that inner talk that may, they may not recognize it as being negative It's just that inner voice.
Melissa: I think when people start to think about healing, they focus a lot on food, on supplements, on protocols. And all of that [00:01:00] is really amazing, but there's always kind of something running along in the background the whole time, and that is the way that you talk to yourself. So we'll see it a lot where people are feeling like, I'm, you know, I'm eating this and I'm eating that and I'm doing this protocol, but the conversations that they're actually having with their body mean a lot.
So what the inner voice is on a daily basis. Can I heal? Is it working, is it not working? You often talk about that hyper fixation on healing. Um, how that can be a barrier. You talk about it in a previous podcast, and it's often something that's really overlooked. So you can follow that perfect plan, but if the internal dialogue is telling you it won't work, your body will listen.
Vesna: I don't think people are that aware of that 'cause they're like, I'm doing all the right things. Why isn't it working? But what is going on in your mind as you're doing these things? Because our thinking changes our biochemistry, and we know this because negative thinking will activate, you know, the stress response will [00:02:00] activate the amygdala like that we're in danger.
And so that will start to change downstream. Our biochemistry and our hormones affecting thyroid, hormones affecting insulin, creating cortisol, like it has this effect, right? So we know that our thinking will absolutely change our biochemistry. Like you only have to imagine That, you know, there could be something, someone outside at nighttime, in, and that's just a thought that crosses your mind, and that's enough to activate that fight or flight response and get you into a real state of fear.
And so we do this on a micro scale throughout our journey without realizing it. And so thoughts and our thinking and the self-talk that we have is just as important as the food that you put into your mouth as the supplementation that you take, as the medication that you take, it is just as important.
Melissa: And I think it's not even just the thoughts, it's the, what they call the patterns of interpretation, right? So the meanings that you assign to symptoms, [00:03:00] to setbacks the time it takes to heal. We see this all the time in the program where, you know, people after 10 years of chronic burnout, they come in for two weeks and they're not seeing any changes.
But, you know, sometimes it just takes time and, and the body, that pattern of thinking that you've had. Living in this subconscious shaped by past experiences, shaped by conditioning, uh, shaped by like repeated emotional states. All of these things will impact how you believe you are doing in the present moment.
But what's really interesting and liberating in that is also you have the power to change that, right? You have the power to then r ewrite what the future will look like. Yes, you may have had past experiences and that patterns of interpretation and that conditioning is there and that's not to invalidate that.
Um, it's a very real thing, but to not be so attached to those previous experiences and that past [00:04:00] conditioning is what will actually allow change to happen in the present and be different in the future.
Vesna: I think you said something really key actually. it's that thinking of how am I doing? Right. That thinking is the very thinking that's causing you to go, well, why after two weeks am I not better? Or why? Why haven't I lost weight? Or why hasn't this thing shifted for me? Right? Because we are constantly assessing how are we doing?
Is this working for me? Is it not working for me? Is it another thing that doesn't work for me, but I'm doing all the right things and why isn't it working for me? Right? So it's our mind constantly assessing whether we should keep committing to what we are doing. So it's a form of sabotage, right? Because the mind's always gonna wanna take the easy way or the, the road that we know the comfortable way, right?
And so you're entering uncharted territory, even though your mind is telling you, but I've done everything before. It's not gonna work. This is not gonna work either. And it's going back to what you said, it's that thinking is how am I doing? How is this working for me? Is it working for me? That questioning is [00:05:00] what starts to get you off track because without that thinking, you wouldn't be discouraged a nd without that discouragement you would keep moving forward and keep staying the path. Right? And, and you would see that because as those questions start to come up in the group, you can kind of tell where someone's at.
They're already having doubts and they're believing those doubts, right? And so, you know, our thinking shapes our perception. And so we are going to look for the things that aren't better and completely not see the things that have improved. Like how often do we see that? Oh, I don't, what about this? I haven't lost weight.
Well, how's your energy and how's your sleep? Oh, yeah. So much better. It's like they didn't even think to look at that.
Melissa: That reinforcement creates more positive outcomes, right? It works both ways. It works both ways in the negative and in the positive. And that's why so much of our work is about really trying to remove that negative, not negative self-talk.
Like, oh, just tell yourself you're better. Like, it's not that kind of, positive reinforcement. It's actually taking [00:06:00] stock of how you've been feeling. Honestly, really looking at it honestly and saying. You know, how much better in my energy do I feel today? Yes, maybe you're not a hundred percent, but if you are even 2% better than you were the day before, then that's a win.
And sit in that and let that be like, wow, okay. Like that is movement forward. And that just again, reinforces that positive feedback loop. So the brain will always predict what's happening next, and oftentimes in a healing journey that will be. Negative outcomes, I'm just gonna feel like crap again the next day.
I'm just gonna, right, you're gonna keep going down that path. Um, and the body will follow those predictions. It will follow what you are feeding it. So if you're feeding it more positive outcomes and more, more positivity, then your body will respond that way as well.
Vesna: Yeah, definitely. Like I think that the more you look at wins, and you know, I talked about this in another episode, is that. We become more [00:07:00] aware of our wins then, right? so therefore we have more wins. And so we become more encouraged and we become more motivated. And then it's, you know, there was a book called The Winner Effect that talked about it is that each time you notice the positives or the wins that you are, you are making or the, the things that are working out for you, you kind of, it moves you up to a new level of awareness and then you see more.
More occurs. You keep motivated, you keep taking action, and then you go up another level of awareness and it keeps going until you get to where you wanna get to. And I think that, I guess at the end is what we are saying is like it's a really, it's a physical journey, but it's just as much an emotional and psychological journey and a spiritual journey too, right?
But it's really understanding how your mind can trip you up along the way.
Melissa: So I think, yeah, you're exactly right. And one of the biggest things that we can do on this journey, first and foremost, is identify how we are speaking to ourselves.
So a great reflection question for any [00:08:00] listener would be. When a symptom shows up, what is the very first meaning you assign to it? What is the first thought that comes into your head when that symptom arises? Is it fear-based? Is it, um, do you tend to interpret the setbacks as temporary or is it, you know, the proof that you were looking for that something isn't working and that's just feeding into that negative feedback loop?
So I think a really great. exercise for, for anybody listening right now would be, what is the very first meaning that you assign to a symptom when it comes up?
Vesna: you know, one of the things that I've seen in my work is not every symptom means anything. Like our body gets symptoms, like it just gets random aches, pains, twitches, symptoms, right? That just come out of nowhere and they disappear out of nowhere.
But it's when the mind holds onto those symptoms and it's like, oh, you know, what's this? And you know, why do I have this? And you know, what does it mean and is it something bad? and that's [00:09:00] kind of more that hypervigilant thinking, but it's really common in chronic. If someone's had a symptom conditioned chronically, that is nearly always a hundred percent of the time of what I see is this hypervigilance around their condition and around their symptom.
You know, when I was away in the US I was talking to a woman, she was a psychologist, and, um, she talked about her symptoms to me and she was like, you know, you're a atropath. What would you recommend? And I said, well, this is what I'd recommend. and I said to her, one thing to note though is that.
When I've seen these chronic conditions that she had, I said, there's always a level of hypervigilance that goes with it and, um, the focus on your symptoms. And I knew that she had it because she went into such great detail of her symptoms and how frustrating they were for her. but you know, I could just hear in the language that she has hyperfocus on these symptoms.
Because she's frustrated with them, she's over them. Right. But it's, it's a resistance that we have with our body. 'cause we can't accept
where we're at each day when the [00:10:00] symptom arises, we're like, oh, here it's again, but I've done everything. Right. Why is it, why, why, why? Ah, I'm so over it. You know, like that inner dialogue that's happening that they're not conscious of.
And when I said that to her, she just went, I do have that, I do have that right. And, uh, I think that, you know, when you ask that question, when you get a symptom, where does your mind go? Like, that's a perfect question to really be aware of what's happening in your mind at that time.
Melissa: Yeah. And I think you bring up a really great point, where these interpretations of your symptoms really come from. Right? And I think. And what I've seen in my work, and I'm sure what you've seen in your work as well, is this belief that maybe you aren't worth healing. And I know that that may sound controversial, but this worthiness and this deserving of feeling better is something that I think people on the surface want.
But when you really kind of dig deeper and look into where the interpretations are coming from. And the way that you're talking to [00:11:00] yourself, I hear clients say it all the time, and the way that they're talking to themselves makes me feel like they don't believe that they deserve to heal.
Right? Like, do you really think healing is possible for you? Do you feel like someone who gets to feel well and rested and good? Right? Like, you know, we can get really deep with that and kind of go into the. Into the idea of deserving and letting go of the guilt. Like, am I allowed to prioritise myself without guilt?
Because again, the women who come into these programs and who are dealing with all of the burnout, you know, they're busy women and a lot of the times they put themselves last. And it's about reprogramming that into thinking, oh, I actually do deserve to put myself first. I deserve to eat regular meals. I deserve to. Right. Like all of the, all of the things that are needed to feel well, um, you know, the medic physical things that we talked about. But again, coming back to that idea that [00:12:00] you deserve to feel good.
You don't Have to be stuck in this pattern. It isn't abstract.
Vesna: Yeah, I think that's so powerful because obviously I've just come back from Joe Dispenza and it was two things that I heard people say throughout that, uh, week long retreat and, you know, some of the things that he said and it was about believing and it was about worthiness and, uh, you know, believing that you can heal, believing that you can have the life that you wanna create or believing that you can have whatever outcome, right? You have to believe. So all of you know, the healings in that group happened. The prerequisite was, they had to have that moment in themselves, where they went, you know what? I'm gonna do this. This is gonna work for me.
I'm gonna heal myself. This is gonna happen. Like they had to have that switch and then it occurred, and then it occurred quite rapidly in these cases, right? And it really made me reflect on anything that you want in life. Like how often do you go about doing anything in your business or in your relationship or in any other kind of [00:13:00] achievement, and you don't really believe that or you've got doubts that you'll get there.
Right. Or that you'll make that happen. And I really reflected on that and thought, I think belief is actually the prerequisite for any kind of new thing that you undertake. Like unless you believe in yourself, it's gonna be a really hard, uphill battle. And only you can believe in yourself and only you can decide your worthy.
That's a choice you make. That's not, I think this idea that, you know, women should put themselves last. Like that's a program, right? That, that's a program we've had since we were young girls. Right. You know, be quiet, be nice, be polite. Men take care of men and men's needs are more important like that.
That's a program. Or you know, kids need some, that's all a program to neglect. Or not take up too much space or take up too much attention or energy or, or focus. Right. And I think when you realize that actually there are a lot of old programs that we run by t hat are very exhausting and [00:14:00] keep us stuck on the same, in the same place.
When, when you look at your life and you go, actually, I, I never really move ahead, like I'm moving along the horizontal, I'm not making big vertical shifts in my life. Then you have to look at, well, what are these programs that are underlining and maybe controlling you to keep you stuck through beliefs and through worthiness.
Melissa: Yeah, and I think in a world where we're so hyperfocused on data, on logic, on scientific evidence of things, I mean, obviously there's a lot of professionals out there like Jo Dispenza, who are using tools and methods to measure this, but within the system. It really is that quality with inside of ourselves that no one else can touch, that only we have access to that brings about that magic, right?
That really does have these transformative, amazing, like changes in your life, like it stems from that little light inside of you that just believe. [00:15:00] I'm gonna make this happen. I'm gonna make this work above all else. Like there's so much evidence out there, as I'm sure you said, you know, on your past retreat that you went to.
Where there was just absolutely no medical, no medical way of this happening. And I think in this world, we've just become so disconnected to the beauty of miracles and the power of belief and the power of faith and the power of our relationship to ourselves in that healing journey. And that is what's so powerful, and I think we need so much more of now.
Vesna: Mm. Yeah, we need to have our focus, like at least, at least have awareness of that because, yeah. I mean, at the retreat there was, you know, doctors, physicians there, and they were like, this is not possible. I'm like, well, it happened. You know that tissue isn't ever meant to regrow. Well, it did. Um, you know, so it was pretty amazing stuff.
And so challenging your beliefs. So, I mean, what is a belief? It is just something [00:16:00] you have thought about so many times that it seems so real for you now. Like, you know, we were talking before, like if someone is stuck on their journey, And I think, you know, Naomi, who works as the naturopath in our programs was talking about how if someone has a history of, you know, maybe a family history of obesity, and being overweight and things like that, that shapes someone's identity because it's so locked into their belief system that my family have always struggled with weight.
Melissa: Mm-hmm. and so then they take that onboard into their own beliefs and into their identity. And then that's the, that's the boulder that they're kind of pushing uphill, like they're trying to do all the right things, but as they're doing it, they're like, you know, they've, they've got that pressure like, I've gotta watch my weight forever because my family history is, we are more prone to being overweight and obesity.
Vesna: Do you know, like understanding that. You know, our beliefs are simply a thought that we have thought so many times that it just looks real.
You know, it's nothing more [00:17:00] than that. And our thinking changes moment to moment, you know, and our beliefs can change pretty quickly as well.
Melissa: Yeah. And, and coming back to that idea of beliefs and the fear that can arise, right? I'm familiar with this case, with this woman, with this woman, um, and her, her fear around, well. What does that even look like? And I think a lot of people don't ask themselves on their healing journey. What does feeling well actually look like?
What does it actually feel like? Do I get energized by the idea of finally feeling well or do I actually fear it because it's something that they don't know? Right. And you talked a lot about this in a previous podcast about. Worry versus fear, right? Like what actually is happening inside of the body when, when fear comes up?
And, and you know, we talked about how it's a nervous system response. Um, and it's what the nervous system has learned to expect and it kind of becomes comfortable in there and it can take a [00:18:00] little bit of work and churning to try to get through that discomfort of being like, oh, I'm doing something completely different.
I don't know what's on the other side. And the fear of maybe it's not gonna work, and, you know, all of these things. They just need to be let go. They need to be let go and recognize that, like you said, that, that it's a changing thought. It will come and it will go. And what matters is the persistence and the consistency and the belief that your previous experiences do not shape your future outcomes.
Right? Your future can change if the beliefs behind them change.
Vesna: and one thing I'll just add before we finish up is that I always say to people that. Whatever your current level of thinking is right now, as you start going through the program or going through whatever you are doing, you don't know what you are going to be thinking in three weeks time, let alone three months time, right?
So we stand here at the beginning and go, ah, just, it's gonna be so long and so hard, and whatever it is, whatever that thinking is. [00:19:00] But actually I've had, you know, I've said this to so many people over the years that, and sure enough, when they get to like week two or week three or week four, whatever it is, they're like, you know what?
You said that to me in the beginning and I didn't believe you, but I am thinking so different now. This is so possible. This is so doable for me. I've got bigger goals now. And it's like, it's just interesting that. Whatever level of thinking that you're at now, it will change. It absolutely will. And so we can't look at the beginning of our journey and look at how we're gonna be thinking and feeling at the end.
We have no idea.
Melissa: And so how would you say we actually begin to. To change these, these patterns. I know the first thing we kind of spoke about was the awareness of language. So noticing when you're on this journey, the things, the saying things like, this isn't working, or I'll never fix this, like, that's kind of one, one thing that we spoke about.
What would you, what would you add to
that
Vesna: So I would
say, yeah, I would say write down. Write it down. You have to [00:20:00] write it down. You can't have it swelling around in your head 'cause you're not really acknowledging it. Write it down. What do I believe? When I start something, or when I'm in a program or when I'm trying to lose weight, or whether I'm trying to whatever, whatever the thing that you wanna achieve, what is the thinking that I have around that?
When I'm, when I'm starting, what are the beliefs that I'm potentially carrying around that write them down. and you could do this every day for seven days is in the morning, be like, I no longer choose to believe these things. I am no longer carrying these into my day and just write those things down that you wrote the day before.
Right? I'm going to think instead of this thought, like, I don't believe that I can ever lose weight. I'm going to believe that it is possible and easy for me to lose weight. Do you know, like just kind of reframing it, but there's something about putting it down on paper that makes it. And I think there's even science behind this, that writing it down actually activates different parts of the brain.
And so I think that unless you see your language going on in your [00:21:00] head down on paper, you don't really acknowledge how much negative self-talk or negative limiting beliefs are there. And then how do you change them if you don't even recognize that they're there? Do you know, So that's a, that's a really important part.
I think the way that we break that is having awareness and then well, well, what do I wanna think? And, and sit in that, right? I've done these exercises, I've sat in it. Like, what would that feel like? Like that'd feel amazing. Right? And it feels easy to think that actually when you start this process, because that feels really good.
That feels really hopeful. That feels really. loving and energizing and it just feels right, you know? And I think that going through that process is how you start to acknowledge where you're at and how you start to change. You have to make a different choice.
I heard Joe Dispenza say on the, on the week, and I was like, oh, I have to write this one down.
If you're not changing, you're not choosing.
And I thought that's that's, right. Because you must always be changing. And if you're not, you're just stuck in the [00:22:00] same pattern and the same programs that are running, you feeling frustrated with the world and with people around you, but actually you are the creator.
Melissa: You talk a lot about this too, that balanced perspective of. You know, you can't control everything, right? The symptoms are the symptoms, and we talk a lot about honoring those symptoms. But what you can influence is your internal state, your responses to those, uh, symptoms and your patterns of thinking around them.
Because at the end of the day, we can't control reality, right? We can't control, well, it depends who you talk to. You can, you can
Vesna: We won't go down that rabbit hole.
Melissa: Yeah, that's for another podcast. but what you, you can shape your experience and you can shape how you see it moving forward. And then that kind of trickles on to, to one another.
So, yeah.
Vesna: yeah.
Awesome. So I think, we'll, we'll finish up here and I think what we'll [00:23:00] kind of leave leave the listeners with is that question of when your symptoms arise, what is the thinking that's going on? Like when that symptom comes up for you, what's the self-talk? What's the voice saying? Write it down own. If you have the ability to leave a comment below this video, I'd love to hear your comments about is this something that you've been stuck in and maybe not even realized? And are you seeing that, that negative dialogue or that limited dialogue is there quite often in other things? I'd love for you to leave a comment below.
Thanks guys.
Melissa: Thank you.
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