Most of us can understand how loneliness can lead to depression, but you probably don’t know that it also affects the integrity of your immune system.

Loneliness causes disease. This has been established, and is linked to heart disease, obesity, cancer, suppressed immune function and suicidal thoughts.

But how often do you think about ending your sense of loneliness as a prescription for your illness?

Before you start thinking this is obvious, have you ever considered if your loneliness is causing your weight gain? Or that feeling lonely in your relationship is causing your fibromyalgia? Or your lack of intimate relationships is causing your thyroid condition?

Feeling lonely stems from thoughts – I don't fit in, others don’t like me, I don’t belong, I'm not good enough or I'm better than.

The psychologist, Abraham Maslow, was first to say that:

“Our desire to belong is a basic human need”

Loneliness = Stress

 

Most of us are walking around with suppressed immune function, increasing our susceptibility to not only colds and flu, but various cancers and immune conditions.

People don’t think of loneliness as stress but it triggers the same physiological response in the body. While your body knows the difference between running from a wild animal and feeling lonely, the hormonal response is the same. When we feel we have to deal with our stress alone, then day-to-day life becomes overwhelming.

If you’ve been feeling chronically lonely, then your body is in a constant state of stress

Research shows that once the stress hormone, cortisol, is released, it increases blood sugars and blood lipids for energy production and then destroys white blood cells. Stress also causes insomnia, reducing the crucial sleep time the body needs to restore itself.

Psychologist John Cacioppo, who has made it his life’s work to study the effects of social isolation and loneliness on the body, says that curing loneliness is as good for your health as giving up smoking. He says that alleviating loneliness is not just about spending more time with people, but rather, altering your attitude towards others.

Lonely people tend to view other human beings as potentially dangerous, making them less open when meeting new people. When we can express our vulnerability and keep ourselves open to receive help and give it, our perception of stress is decreased. Vulnerability is what creates connection, because it means you’re no longer pretending to be someone you’re not, and people are naturally attracted to that. Vulnerability is essential to create intimacy in relationships.

I’ve seen many patients over the years in practice, where their illness exacerbates or creates social isolation. While the idea of being social and creating new connections may sound exhausting, it could actually be your medicine.

 

What you can do to end your sense of loneliness?

 

1. How do you relate to people?

This question was a turning point for me, and was part of the Desire map program. Danielle LaPorte suggested that how we relate to people is how we relate to life!

It’s a big question! Look at your current relationships – are you open and real or are you guarded? Do show up fully? Are you authentic? Are you frightened by new interactions? Do you trust people you first meet? How are you showing up? Can you see people as friends you just haven’t met yet?

 

2. Identify with your infinite self (not the monkey brain)

We live in the feeling of our thinking, not our circumstances.

Loneliness and suffering are experienced because of thought. Our distorted thinking is generated by the ego mind, which then warps the way we see our world, not the other way around. Loneliness comes from within, and is experienced from the inside-out.

While it feels real that our loneliness is a result of what is happening around us, this is fundamentally flawed. People still feel lonely at a party, while out with friends, or even in a relationship. You could be working in an office all day, surrounded by people and still have the sense of loneliness. Many people living in the city report they feel lonely. It’s not because of our environment; it’s about what we feel on the inside.

Thoughts shape our reality, but luckily you are more than our thoughts. You are connected to something greater than yourself, because you are connected to the deeper intelligence behind life, which also guides you and your mental health.

Bring awareness to your thoughts. Understand that your feelings are coming from your thinking. The freedom of letting go of trying to control your external situation allows you to tap into your inner wisdom – your internal GPS!

Meditation and Mindfulness practice can help to increase awareness of your thoughts.

 

3. Are you vulnerable?

Vulnerability creates connection and intimacy. In Brenè Brown’s work, her research found that vulnerability allows you to show up, be seen and live a braver life.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be seen and known. Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued” Brenè Brown

Being authentic is about showing up and being real, letting your true self shine. Vulnerability can be uncomfortable, it can seem like weakness but it’s actually courage. Courage to be your authentic self increases your sense of belonging.

Could you be more vulnerable in your current relationships?

Could you be more vulnerable in your everyday interactions with people?

 

4. Friends – The buffer

Friends and support groups help. Friends are there to listen, show they care and soften the blow. They help to filter out the effects of everyday hassles and traumatic events by reducing the perception of our stress.

Psychologists call it The Buffer Theory, whereby friends buffer us from the stress of life.  Which is why support groups like AA to cancer groups are so effective.

How many close relationships do you have? And do you nurture them? Do you have a close group of friends that support you? Are you nurturing the right relationships?

 

If you feel lonely, then it's time to heal yourself from the inside-out. What are you thoughts about this? Would love to hear your comments below.

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